


G'day, mate, how ya doin'?

by currerb3ll



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, M/M, Minor Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Sakusa Kiyoomi/Miya Atsumu - Freeform, Team Dynamics, past Bokuto/Daishou, past Bokuto/Kuroo, the team had stopped trying to play guess who hinata's boyfriend is, where everything is constantly a surprise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:21:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25379803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/currerb3ll/pseuds/currerb3ll
Summary: The first thing that happened was that Barnes - Barnesies, as he insists they call him - wanted to go back home. Not home as in the nice apartment he shares with the equally nice partner in Aomori, but home as in Olivers Hill, where he grew up, inAustralia.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 56
Collections: MSBY Exchange





	G'day, mate, how ya doin'?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [oopsthisisqueertoo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oopsthisisqueertoo/gifts).



> think about australian!barnes and msby in australia
> 
> my prompt: domestic breakfasts together, first kisses, confessions, memory loss, everyone hanging out!

The first thing that happened was that Barnes - Barnesies, as he insists they call him - wanted to go back home. Not home as in the nice apartment he shares with the equally nice partner in Aomori, but home as in Olivers Hill, in  _ Australia.  _

In a move entirely expected and exceptionally precedented, the Children as Meian termed everyone who aren’t Inunaki or Barnes, insisted, in a cacophony of  _ Captain Captain can we please please  _ **_please_ ** _ go to Australia.  _ They nagged Coach Samson enough for the Children Team to be granted permission to pack bags to the land down under.

Barnes was over the moon, the stars, the entire galaxy. His partner came in a couple of times to alleviate some deep burning questions the team children had about Australia. Tamaki Barnes is very understanding of the general excitement the team children have in regard to an entirely different nation, even if Hinata himself had most likely toured the entirety of South America in his beach volleyball foray. It is sweet of him to be excited along with the Team, Akaashi remarked. Besides the coach and captain, no one had quite gone and set foot in Australia to warrant a kangaroo stamp on their passports (‘Atsumu, we don’t actually do kangaroo stamps anymore’ ‘Stop ruinin’ me fun, Barnsesies!’). 

Chants of ‘g’day mate’s can be heard in the practice rooms on a daily basis ever since the coach gave the okay. Atsumu surprisingly manages to sound Australian through supernatural means, though only with certain words. His ‘mate’ is very on brand - ‘bogan Aussie’ as Barnes enthusiastically informed him. It must have had something to do with his usual Hyogo brogue that transcends through the barriers of language to manifest similarly to another language. No matter the case, he’s Australian only in certain words and intonation, and it is creepy to witness.

Every other team child had also somehow managed to sort themselves out with their English language communication concerns. Barnes is overshooting himself into the stratosphere at every possible moment. Nowadays, his Japanese is interspersed with incomprehensible Australian English and by virtue of long-term exposure that his teammates collectively put together what he said.

“So where we staying at, Ollie?” Inunaki, one bright day, raised the Important Question. The Captain swore. He forgot housing! Where will he put the ruffians in?

“There’s a place that’s up for rent near our place,” Tamaki, now a part of MSBY Black Jackals, just as Akaashi is, eased in, almost too easily. Inunaki’s eyebrows eased down in their severity, though he still seemed troubled and on edge.

“Can we cook?” Adriah asked Sakusa, who shot a glance at Atsumu. Atsumu held his hands up, palms out, immediate in his denial and bailing out. 

“All the cookin’ genes went to Samu. I’m on a strict kitchen ban. I’ll burn down the house.”

“Yeah nah,” Barnes let out this particular English verbalisation, commonly understood to be Australian for regular people’s ‘No’. “We’ll figure something out when we get there. Fireproof the place and all that,” he amends in Japanese.

There probably was a reason that Barnes got recruited to MSBY and it’s beside his tenacity and skills in the sport of volleyball. He probably got recruited because this team follows the recruitment trajectory of ‘If they’re careless and prone to property destruction, anarchy and especially accidental arson, let ‘em in’. Barnes’ country catches itself on fire for a good quarter of any given year. He’s impervious in the face of fire. Atsumu lowkey thought that Australians were fireproof for a good six months after his first training camp with Barnes when they set fire to a meal and Barnes put it out with no fear or hesitation. If people are inclined to believe Atsumu, Barnes allegedly walked into the fire without fear and the flame was no more. Bokuto thinks that Barnes is so manly that the fire had put itself out. Sakusa pointed out that there was a water bottle on Barnes at the time and he probably used that to put out the fire. Clearly, everybody in response to the Captain’s ‘no matter the means, the fire was stopped, stop talking about Barnes’ firebending abilities please’, continued to talk about Barnes’ firebending abilities. It did not help that Barnes had photos of his circus days, breathing fire in columns of bellowing flames.

“I can cook.” Hinata - gorgeous, ginger, well-travelled Hinata - offered - like a miracle. It sounded like a trap. Inunaki started praying for the Shinto gods for protection.

They’re in the off-season, therefore their absence isn’t entirely unusual, but for an entire team of their calibre to pack bags and leave to another country, for presumably weeks and maybe more? The sports news went wild with grief. Their darling boys. The golden team, off to foregin soils. It is a travesty. The coach and the Captain had released media statements. Even internet cryptid Sakusa, who held a long, bitter, inexplicable feud with social media as an entire premise, released a short, utterly non-reassuring tweet. It reads like the beginning of a ransom note, in a horror movie. The internet goes into a panicked frenzy because the internet citizens live solely for the nerve-pulling source of ridiculous news (Sakusa) rather than reliable bastion of regular, dad updates (Meian). The Captain used to care about his lack of support from the droves of internet citizens, but since they went through the suitcase of horrors, everyone is content with their usual level of popularity. Getting voodoo dolls as a fanmail truly put a damper for the thirst of fame.

Thus, the team sets off, bundling into the Business end of the commercial flight (‘No Atsumu, when you’re an Olympian going overseas to attend games will you get a private flight’.) Hinata, blessed by inner zen and Buddhas and his twenty-minute long daily morning meditation, had long since gotten over the crave for luxuries. It is this unselfconscious good trait of his, to disregard mortal desires of material things, that he recounted to the team about Kageyama and the private Olympin, government and privately sponsored, jet flight direct to Rio in 2016. Atsumu had been beside himself with inconsolable grief, breaking down in several locations and subsequently banned on occasion, from his brother’s workplaces. Here he is, wailing once again, even as he hefts thirty whole kilograms of luggage that one would carry a single notebook, one-handed, muscle straining. Sakusa calls him a show-off, then through a convoluted bickering, Atsumu is also hefting Sakusa’s bags onto the conveyor belt. They split the costs for Sakusa’s bags because Atsumu’s things are also in them. The Team would not like to know the story behind how that became a Thing.

The transition between the luggage check-in - respectable, orderly, charming - to lounging about waiting to board their flight - a bit more rowdy, skipping in and out of designer duty-free brands, Barnes consulted half the team on what to buy for his mother - before the mood settles into anxious waiting for departure to begin. They are two hours early, because Captain has absolutely no faith and he is right, Better late than disastrously chased down by airport security in a campaign of tears. Flying commercial is nothing truly new or devastating (perhaps on Atsumu’s grounds) but it must be noted that indeed, the Team had not endeavored to venture far beyond domestic flights - Meian has reasonable fears that this would bring about international levels of wide-scale terror. The Team Children are not well-behaved. Nothing like the fancy dream trips that the well-behaved Schweden Adlers occasionally splurge in, decorating social media and Hinata’s daily report of what Kageyama was up to. He is almost - just by a margin - annoying about it on days where Ushijima’s serves could certifiably be classified under a weapon under domestic criminal code or even potentially being a banned weapon under multiple Geneva Conventions, which would mean Kageyama is accountable for orchestrating international war crimes. Kozume, Hinata’s sponsor-maybe-boyfriend called their games ‘Wars of the worlds’. Atsumu agreed with him on that count.

The Captain breaks up yet another rowdy argument between Inunaki and Atsumu, pulling Sakusa in as a distraction. Sakusa, who actually interacted with other people beyond the scope of the professional sector of Japan, suggests playing ‘something soul-chillingly boring’ to render the existing soul-chillingly boring wait for the time to pass. 

“Soul-chillingly ain’t a word, Omi-kun,” Atsumu points out.

“Sorry Miya, I didn’t go to college to study literature,” Sakusa blandly responds. “Could go back if you’d like.”

“Language is made up anyways,” Adriah wisely comments, reaching a hand to make contact with Atsumu’s shoulder. 

“I’m thinkin’,” Hinata touches a finger to his chin, “never have I ever?”

“No alcohol,” Barnes wisely contributes. 

“Two lies, one truth?” Hinata amends, quick and flexible. Barnes called him a boomerang once. Bokuto and Atsumu start yelling their approval. The Captain wearily lets it happen.

Bokuto volunteers to go first, now that they’ve settled the activities for the time being. He offers three facts, daring people to find the lie. He is very good at delivery. The statements also sound too Bokuto-esque to be anything but fake. They go -

  1. Kuroo Tetsurou was his first kiss
  2. Sakusa and him dated briefly in high school
  3. Daishou is _not_ an ex of his



Atsumu good-naturedly calls hims a heart-breaker but Bokuto defends himself with the invocation that he’s great with relationships really, seeing the number of times Akaashi calls him along with Kozume, who’s really there for Hinata, but occasionally chats to Bokuto. Inunaki glances at Sakusa. The Team voted for number 2. That  _ cannot  _ be real. Please.

“That’s,” Sakusa huffs, tugging his mask over his nose, “not a lie.”

_ No.  _ No  _ way.  _ Bokuto and Sakusa? 

“So what was the lie?” Hinata, on a search for the Truth, pitches into Bokuto’s space. Meian is forlornly staring out the wide glass windows where there is no plane in sight. Adriah is patting a disconsolate Atsumu. Inunaki is crossing his arms before a hunched Sakusa. 

“He wanted to freak out his cousin,” Bokuto simply shrugs. “I didn’t start dating Keiji until three years ago. I dated Tetsurou, then Daishou wanted to try a thing and I thought ‘why not’, Kenma wanted -”

“I actually,” Atsumu bemoans. “Don’t wanna know anymore. Bokkun. Spare a man.”

Hinata is righted back on his feet. He announces two very important pieces of information -

“Plane’s ten minutes away. Oh, and I can crush a watermelon between my thighs.”

.

.

.

The flight from Tokyo to Melbourne takes ten odd hours. It takes half of that time to cross the Australian mainland. Inunaki whistles, impressed. Atsumu spends half of that time binge-watching a Korean drama, then moping by Sakusa’s elbow, who is not tolerant of his antics, but does absolute ‘fuck-all’ as Meian bemoans about their blonde setter menace. Hinata and Bokuto are cuddled up into Adriah in a three-man lump. Meian is redrafting his will, once again.

"When ya told me yer have a very nice place," Atsumu begins, whistling from the top of Hinata's mop of hair, who is ooh-ing up the double storey group home Barnes had generously provided to the Team. 

"That's truly impressive," Inunaki remarks, like a real estate agent appraising a marketable property. 

"Get in, get in, stop crowding the footpath," Barnes herds them in, and they follow, truly like sheeple, Sakusa comments mildly. Bokuto ahhs at the hanging fruit trees lining the driveway. Meian calls first dibs for the furthest bedroom away from all this, he gestures vaguely with his passport at the Team. Hinata sunnily assures him that there's a low chance the house will be set on fire, Captain. Barnes laughs as if he told a funny joke. He does not live here full time. He does not get to laugh when the self-fulfilling prophecies start collecting their dues. 

.

.

.

In a move entirely predicted by Captain when Barnes suggested  _ hey living together doesn’t entirely sound like imminent extinction to the people of Australia,  _ two months ago by Inunaki and Adriah by extension of being Inunaki-adjacent  _ and  _ Hinata a week before departure, Sakusa drew up a roster chart. It has a legend detailing which colour is which person and it’s structured into squared time slots and tasks. Sakusa has impeccable handwriting. Atsumu, possibly as a joke, suggested that they frame it as an example of postmodern art. Sakusa dutifully doubles his chore load and valiantly puts himself up to the task of supervising Atsumu. This then prompts Meian to enact the No Murder Policy: someone has to be present when the Sakusa-Atsumu Shitfest runs its usual course. He will not have dead members the one time they took some time off together as a team.

Sakusa puts his foot down as the local socialist for equal division of chores. It is unlikely that they will do everything as a whole entity except for that one Buzzfeed interview. Otherwise they exist as fragmented outings and Hinata trying to join as many beach volleyball games along the Frankston beach as humanly possible. Therefore, he primly informs the Team, you will be pulling your weight and cleaning up after yourself. Questions?

Then the Responses start rolling in.

There is the Forgetting Power brought about by Bokuto/Adriah, where they simply forget about the existence of chores, the roster and the concept of cleanliness, sometimes in that order, one by one, but often all at once. This means that all efforts of chore-doing are negligible by the execution of the Bokuto/Adriah given the forgetting. The power of Forgetting is visually the antithesis of chore-doing, in that Bokuto/Adriah will execute the chore as ordained by the roster, but the Forgetting sets in soon after, erasing all traces of chore-doing. Sakusa refuses to believe this as an actual phenomenon despite the Forgetting unfurling before his eyes.

The Slacking Few who perform the chore to a lacking standard also receive long judging stares from Sakusa whenever they cross paths. He seems to know which shoddy job belongs to which member. Atsumu, while being stared down, happily mentions that he should consider applying for a forensic side job on top of volleyball. Sakusa ominously asks if Atsumu would be willing to be a participant in his first practical forensic analysis. Barnes, thankfully, by the fervent prayers of Meian somewhere south of the suburbs, rolls in with bread, breaking up a very close murder. Sakusa aggressive-aggressively slides Get Better Now cards under the bedrooms of the Slacking Few. To a large degree known by the entire household, Barnes’ family, the entire street and the working staff in the Officeworks on the Friday where they all pour out to laminate the cards, Sakusa no longer holds up the enigmatic brooding handsome foreigner. He’s just a regular dumbfuck by his own standards who engages in card sending macroaggressions.

Smart and wanting to fight Sakusa in verbal duels because they’re bored and nobody speaks college-level Japanese, Inunaki engages in the Avoidance Tactic. He’s never home so  _ technically  _ speaking, none of the mess is his. He washes his clothes elsewhere and eats out of the house. He’s here but he doesn’t participate in the mess making of the place. Chores can’t guilt him, because he doesn’t live  _ here. _ Sakusa and Inunaki’s debates get quite philosophical and multiple languages have begun mixing in the tirades of caustic Japanese. Meian referees this offshoot of the usual shitshow so it doesn’t devolve into authorisation of yet another No Murdering Your Teammate Policy, but really, anything involving Sakusa at this point is just asking for death’s number and waiting for the inevitable.

Sakusa, in response to all the Approaches, starts shifting furniture and begins what would be a small-scale, no less lethal, Cold War. Bokuto calls it Sakusa Being Upset. Hinata informs the Team that Sakusa-san said he hates it here, let him go. 

“Go where though,” Inunaki points out.

“Flights back to Japan are expensive,” the Captain reasonably reasons. 

“I think it’s just a figure of speech,” Hinata, rapidly transforming into a human-sized, 1.7m tall bastion of Sakusa Translator, gently informs the members. “He also said to ‘watch your back’. I am afraid for your safety.”

Hinata, because he is a certified Good Boy™ by no less than ten different old ladies who had ever received help from him, does not fear Sakusa, parallel to Atsumu. But different to Atsumu, Sakusa tolerates Hinata, even preferring to be civil to him at times. Hinata does not hold fear of Sakusa like Atsumu should, but doesn’t. One day he’ll die in a terrible, no good accident and the Team will have to collectively stop themselves from saying that he had it coming. They won’t know what the accident will be, just that it will be. 

On this note, Sakusa’s passive aggressive campaign starts. 

  
  


Sakusa is, as Barnes good-naturedly called him, Aussie accent and all, a dodgy fucker. Silent and deadly. He’s doing nothing until his traps reel in the prey and then the prey dies like that. He is ready, doing whatever-the-fuck, but he’s always ready. It is terrifying. The Team reconvenes very often to worriedly discuss how Sakusa, without complaints, singularly takes on the brunt of his chore sheet designed for eight and busies himself with tidying up the place. Adriah begins to shyly shadow him to pick up chores that can’t be erased by the Power of Forgetting. Bokuto mostly keeps out of the way.

Eventually, because it’s plain scary how he just doesn’t pitch fits about equality and fair division of labour, the Captain also shoulders some of the burden of being a responsible human adult, cleaning window frames with Sakusa on a Thursday afternoon with dirty aprons, chatting about clementines on sale at Coles. Atsumu lazes around on the grass downstairs, getting bees up his shorts. Hinata is watering homegrown, soon-to-be perished, tomatoes.

It is assuredly a campaign of terror. Sakusa had learnt, from Sun Tzu or possibly God herself, that silence and ominous prowling are effective combinations of a course of action, because wars have been waged on less. A Sakusa who doesn’t tell Atsumu to get down from the top of the kitchen sink where he squats and drinks milk from the carton is a Sakusa to beware of. The Team essentially reforms into a band of housekeeping athletes. Bokuto and Inunaki were fixing - and not destroying - the roof the other day. It’s surreal.

Atsumu, by extensive texts, letters and in-person warnings from Osamu, is to be banned from cooking or even existing near a kitchen. The chore of cooking is resolutely Hinata’s domain alone. Sakusa, when he feels like it, also cooks.

It’s possibly the scene before someone descends into a nightmare when Tomas stumbles out of bed at six in the morning to get ready for his morning run, when he chances upon Atsumu sitting his ass, Cosmo approved, once again,  _ on _ the kitchen sink, legs swinging, bare and hairy, as Sakusa tells him off for contaminating the space but doesn’t actively beat him away with a chopstick, as he would Meian or Barnes. Tomas had seen it in live action. In an alternate reality, Sakusa could give a pitcher a run for his money.

_ Don’t think about it,  _ he tells himself.  _ I do not see it.  _

He thinks about it regardless, because that's how the human brain works. He consults Inunaki and then the Captain on this later.

“Oh, yeah, don’t stress about it too much,” Inunaki waves it away. Provides no more explanation on his vague dismissal. The Captain thanks the powers that be for placing the two fiends together and seeing it through so that they do not murder one another. It’s practically a blessing. He can even scrap the Buddy Policy.

“What were they making, did you know?” Hinata asks.

“I saw plums and jars,” he dutifully relays. Hinata grins, bright and orange.

“Great! They’re gettin’ along.”

Tomas does not understand, but if it isn’t a problem, then it isn’t a problem.

(Later on he would find out that the Fiends’ collective experimentation of recreating _umeboshi_ had gone on to be saltier than expected, but no less a cultivated taste. Sakusa claims two entire jars for himself and exclusively does not bash Atsumu into a state of near death when he reaches for one. Tomas does not see it. See no evil, know no evil.)

.

.

.

“Ah,” Barnes says, like a terrible, no good omen that he conveniently forgot about and now have unfortunately remembered. “We do have that interview to go to.”

“Team one?” Adriah answers in Japanese-thick English. 

Meian, upon reviewing the loose checklist he and the Coach had drawn up before leaving, confirms with a heavy heart. “Team one.”

“I will assemble the avengers,” Adriah grunts, slowly getting up.

  
  


“I want you all on the most non-disruptive behaviour you can, please,” Meian pleads with uncontrollable forces of nature, to no avail, Hinata reckons. They are suiting up, in a much less dignified motley attempt of evoking the image of the Avengers. There is no background music - no, Bokuto is not imitating a seagull in the back, look away, hear nothing.

“The media will hound us, one way or another,” Sakusa points out reasonably. Sakusa went to college and has a communications degree, which is  _ fucken rich,  _ according to Atsumu, but once more, Meian and Inunaki deem his opinions dust, therefore they will proceed to listen more to Sakusa.

“They’re pretty chill, the Aussies,” Barnes cheerfully informs them. It does not lift morale.

“Beach walks,” Hinata’s eyes beam ultraviolet light. “I was out with Tomas and we walked three suburbs from here.”

“Beach walks!” Atsumu wins the fight against his Windsor, by bullying and blindly trusting Sakusa to tying it for him. Better to strangle than struggle endlessly with a knot is his newfound personal philosophy. Sakusa has his palms placed lightly on Atsumu’s lapels, meticulously ironed out by the joined task force of Hinata and Sakusa the man himself, the night prior. Tomas is looking away.

“Will you behave?” Meian levels beleaguered eyes to all of his team. Bokuto has to physically hold Hinata from vibrating into the atmosphere.

“Oath in blood, cap,” Inunaki swears. “Rock solid.”

“Okay, okay, fine, fine, we’ll go.”

  
  


[Text title: _ Welcome Home, Barnesies. Exclusive interview with Cheeky Jackals of Div 1 Volleyball League on the shore of Melb. _

Caption:  _ The Jackal lads giving Aussie fans winning smiles - from left to right - Captain Shuugo Meian, Shion Inunaki, Oliver ‘Barnesies’ Barnes, Kiyoomi Sakusa, Atsumu Miya, Shoyo Hinata, Adriah Tomas, Kotaro Bokuto] _

**Author's Note:**

> Tiny romances but go wild digging, my friend, Atsumu certainly is
> 
> find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hozukitofu) and [cc](https://curiouscat.me/jenny_benny)! i have a writing [twitter](https://twitter.com/jayjem_jam) if anyone is interested in more bs or we can just vibe in the void together


End file.
